Often times I ask myself who am I? What am I doing here? What is my, ya know, purpose? I’m not exactly sure how to answer it. I think only a few people do know the answers to those questions. The people that are really certain of themselves. They must be really wise and confident two attributes I would like to develop in myself.
The thing with filmmaking and trying to define yourself as a filmmaker is it automatically forces these questions to be answered. I must know my exact identity in order to portray others on the screen. I must know every single detail about myself in order to have some sort of screen identity. I do not think these are easy answers we get over time however. If at all. Some times I think I will never really know who I am. I mean, I know what I like, and what I like to do, what food I like to eat, or what t.v shows I like to watch. Yet those things are always changing so how can I expect myself to have a filmic* identity when I am constantly changing?
If only I could create a theme through my films that was consistent of change. Change would be expected from my films. This is my biggest concern right now is narrowing down my dreams for the film world into a goal. A clear concise and important goal on the screen.
In school and for internships or job offerings I always read that the employer, or school would like a ‘Statement of Purpose’ a vague question with a usually loaded answer.
I think as an artist there is a deeper part of us that needs to be explored before there can be any improvement in the works. I’m just still trying to figure out my purpose in film. I am still defining my statement of purpose in this vast, scary world of becoming an artist.
It is for example knowing you want to go to a party and you are not really sure what to wear or who you will know that will be there, how are you going to get to this party(?), or if you will even like the party once you are there. But something in you says yes, I know that is exactly where I have to go. I know this for certain. This is how I felt my whole life about movies and becoming an important person creating art. But there is a difference between knowing and actually doing– actually creating, making it happen!
This I know for certain is where I need to be it is just a matter of getting there with tactic, grace, and most importantly purpose.
Just some light thoughts this week! ;) …and lots of “selfies”.
(P.S Anyone else have a struggle defining their theme, their art, themselves through artistic works? How do you cope or keep inspired when you feel overwhelmed?)
*I think I have made up this word because I keep using it and it always says I misspelled something but you get the point.